It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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