I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
