I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
