Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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