have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
