I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
