why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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