that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize