i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't deserve a penis
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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