Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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