just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
