:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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