a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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