Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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