I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
