I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
