Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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