Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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