I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
