I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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