Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
