Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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