I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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