was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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