The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
