Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
