Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
