Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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