covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
