You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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