So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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