Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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