The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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