do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
