YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
