I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
