I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
