As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
