watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
