you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am naked and annoyed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
