in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
