so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize