My liver just broke up with me...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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