Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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