you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
