someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize