After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
