She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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