There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
