so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
