This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
