marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
