i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
