i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize