True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
