6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
