doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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