He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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