Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
