Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
