I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
