Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
