May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
