all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
that may or may not have been my penis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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