Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
