I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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