he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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