enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
