he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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