I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
